We have reached week 9 of Tiff's pregnancy and, according to the Mother of All Pregnancy Books, the baby is about 1.5 - 2.0 inches long and will start moving on its own very soon. Tiff won't be able to feel the movements for another couple of weeks, though.

We have gone clothes shopping a few times in the past couple of weeks; we've gone maternity-clothes shopping. It's amazingly tough to find affordable clothes that she can wear to work. It's even harder for me to stay awake while we're shopping. For some reason when we walk into a maternity store or a maternity section of a store, I cannot for the life of me keep my eyes open. It's as if something is sucking all my energy, sucking the life from me. I can't focus, my eyes cross and I start to yawn incessantly. I don't know what it is. Of course, as soon as we leave the section or the store, I am fine. It's like I've slept all day and have just woken up.

I submit to you (my high school physics teacher, Mr. Kota, used to say that a lot. that and, "will you guys shut up?!"):

A few weekends ago, Tiff took me to WalMart, Target and Mimi's Maternity. My feet dragged, my sleeves were soaked with the tears of my ever-more-frequent yawns, and if it weren't for the shopping cart that she made me push, I would have fallen over into a rack of maternity-style "unmentionables." Then we left to go home. As soon as we got home I wanted to go out again. I wanted to go to Borders book store. I wanted to go to a movie. Heck, I would have gone out maternity shopping again!

Then last week we went for her ultrasound. I wasn't sleeping during that, but I was starting to get tired. After the ultrasound we went to put her on a registry. I was instantly awake once we walked into the store. I think it had to do with the fact that I knew we weren't clothes shopping, the toys and my irritation with the stupid kid behind the counter at the registry. Here's an excerpt of the exchange that took place between he and my wife:

Tiff: Hi, I need to sign up for the baby registry.
Clerk: I'm sorry, I don't know what that is.
Tiff: I was told the registry is at the jewelry counter. Is it here?
Clerk: Oh, do you want to find someone's registry?
Tiff: No, I want to sign up for one.
Clerk: Do you know the person's name?
Tiff: I want to start a gift registry.
Clerk: Oh, okay. It's this thing. I don't really know how to use it, but you can just follow the instructions on the screen.
[Clerk leaves]
Me: Dumb [expletive].

We figured it out, of course. You don't need to be a college graduate (or a young, male WalMart employee whose IQ can be represented using only one hand), to be able to figure out how to use the gift registry, but the situation still made me laugh.

I know it'll get better. I know I'll stop falling asleep while we're clothes shopping eventually. Right now, though, I am really getting psyched for the next ultrasound so I can see how the computer gets the random dots to resemble a baby. Till then,

-andy

I picked Peanut up from the animal hospital last night at around 7:00. He was still very groggy and couldn't stand for very long at all. When I would put him on the floor he would just lay there and look at me as if thinking, "What did you have done to me, Dad?"

As if I wasn't feeling bad enough.

We took him out of his crate again after Tiff and I got home from dinner and he just lay there on the floor for a long time. Eventually he got up and started trying to walk. The first couple of times he fell over and whined and cried. Then he got his legs under him and began walking.

Peanut walked into my roommate Shawn's room and stood by the door. You know what that means. I thought it was odd, though, that he would go to Shawn's room because Peanut usually only uses the door in the kitchen to go outside. Anyway, I wanted to put him on his leash so I went to search for his leash and collar. I found it in my room and went back to find Peanut...

...who had shit all over Shawn's floor! That's my boy!

I put his collar on him and attached his leash, then carried him outside so he could pee. I let him walk around for a few minutes after that then I brought him back in and put him in his crate for the night.

It was kind of nice, having him be calm and quiet all of last night. I would like it to last, but I know it won't. This morning, for example, he bounded out of his crate as if the day before never happened. Of course, when he reached the first step down into the kitchen, he yelped because I guess he overestimated how good he was feeling. That ought to teach him, the little booger.

It's good to see Peanut feeling a little better because now I don't feel as bad as I did yesterday. I just wish I had some pain killers to give him to help the pain and to, well, knock him out for a few more days!

-andy

I feel terrible.

I took my dog, Peanut, to the vet this morning. He was extremely happy to have been going on a walk with his dad. He couldn't wait to see where he was going! We walked into the animal hospital and the doctor was in the lobby as was Sue, the dog trainer. Peanut is familiar with both and, boy was his tail wagging!

Sue took off Peanut's collar and handed it to me along with his leash. She looped a rope leash around his neck and started to lead him to the back of the hospital as I started to leave. He looked back at me just as I was turning to leave and I heard him whimper as if wondering why I wasn't coming along and asking if he could go with me.

I feel bad because I can't help but feel that he thinks that I abandoned him in the animal hospital and I feel even worse because, even though I know I'm going to pick him up at 6:30 tonight, he wasn't entirely aware of why he was in the animal hospital this morning. He doesn't know that he is getting fixed. He's five months old. He's almost like a son to me; a tiny, hairy, hyperactive, son with a tail and big ears. His manhood (doghood?) is gone by now. Poor, poor Peanut. But it is for the greater good.

I hate it when I over-anthropomorphize animals.

-andy

My roommate's computer was down last night so I couldn't post the UltraSound findings. Sorry 'bout that, Chief.

Anyway, we got home last night at about 6 pm. Tiff immediately called her grandmother and I called my sister. Then Tiff called her mom and my mom and I called my friends Michele and Tracey. We had the best news ever:

We are having ONE baby!

This is great news, folks. This means that, for the people who know me well, there will only be ONE of my offspring running around.

;o)

It also means that I won't have to work three jobs in addition to prostituting myself on weekends to afford the kids. I can't tell you how relieved I was when I saw that one, single, uno, solitary, lonesome, little blob on the ultrasound screen.

For your information, Tiff is registered at Babies R Us and Wal*Mart. If you do go to Wal*Mart, good luck finding what's on the list because we looked at the printout and it's hard to tell what's what!

Till next time,

-andy

Today we find out how many kids we'll be having.
My lucky number was always 13, but somehow I doubt we'll be having that many.
The ultrasound appointment is at 5pm so I will be leaving work at 3.
I'll post again after I get home from the ultrasound.
Till then,

-andy

Tiff has been nauseus all day today. She went to sleep last night at 7pm (she didn't even stay up for the 2nd Simpsons episode!). She made it all the way to about 9pm tonight. I hope she is okay, but time will tell. She called her doctor who said that as long as she isn't spotting, everything should be okay. We will find out more on Tuesday evening.

That's pretty much all there is to tell right now. Nothing has really changed. So I figured that I'd tell another story.

Did you ever notice how, when someone is talking to you you can almost anticipate what they are going to say? Even stranger, do you find that you can not only anticipate, but you can think of a few replies to what is being said prior to it being said, depending upon what you think is going to be said?

The fact of the matter is that you think much faster than you speak. This is so you can think twice before speaking, a luxury most people don't take advantage of.

This is another story about not being able to say the right thing. The only thing is that it's quite the same as last night's story, but a different question was asked and a different answer was given. The reaction was exactly the same on both her part and mine, but the answer is one that will make you go, "D'oh!" Here we go:

Same scenario: I was trying to get to sleep, Tiff was talking.
Same topics: "What if I...?"
Same answers: "Yes", "I will", "Don't worry", and on and on.

Tiff then asks me, "What if you find a pretty little 20 year old girl and you leave me with the kids to go live with her?"

"I wouldn't do that," I said, "I'd take the kids with me."

Okay, I admit that it wasn't the most politic thing I could have said. It wasn't the most sensitive thing I could have said by a long shot. But then, I wasn't thinking. I was half asleep. She laughed about it, though...eventually.

Recently, I have made a concerted effort to stay awake longer at night so she can't trap me like that anymore. It has been a little easier with her going to bed so early. ;o)

Till next time,

-andy

Sometimes knowing the right thing to say is tough. It's even tougher when you don't know what you're saying. Here's the situation:

A number of weeks ago, Tiff and I were in bed trying to get to sleep. Actually, I was trying to get to sleep. She was talking:

"Will you love me even when I'm old and wrinkly?"
"Will you love me if I become quadriplegic?"
"Will you love me if ...?"
You get the idea, I'm sure.

It was getting late, you see, and yours truly was very tired - having worked all day behind a desk, expending all of 14 whole calories - and I wasn't thinking clearly. I was falling asleep because a couple times Tiff had elbowed me in the chest and asked, quite offended, "Are you sleeping?"

"No, no I wasn't. I'm...awake...snoring..."

Then came THE question: "Baby? What if you decide that you want to leave me for a young, pretty girl?"
"I don't need a pretty girl," was my reply. As soon as I said it, just a microsecond before the elbow hit, my eyes shot open. My mind reeled, trying to recall what the HELL had I just said?!

Then the elbow hit, knocking the breath out of me and causing my eyes to cross.

Pajamas: $20
Goofy Slippers: $25
Comforter set: $60
The look on her face: Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy.

I started cracking up because her face was deep red. But here's the funny thing: she was laughing, too. She must have realized that I was half asleep and wasn't thinking and therefore it wasn't really fair to ask me a question like that when 9 out of 10 doctors would classify me as scientifically asleep.

I never was good at finding the right thing to say.

:o)

Well, that's all. nothing really new on the baby-front. I just wanted to post something tonight. Till next time,

-andy

Well Tiff is now feeling nauseus almost all the time. It's hard for her to eat anything. She says that the only thing she can eat without feeling sick is stuff that's salty.

Case in point - we went to Chili's the other night (i wanted the baby back ribs, but i was feeling cheap so i opted for the chicken strips) and she ate some of the nachos they bring out. then our dinners came and she had two bites - literally - of her main course and three bites of mashed potato(e)s and stopped.

She has been reading a book called The Mother of All Pregnancy Books. it is a pretty informative book. She said that she was reading it and that how she is feeling could be a telltale sign of a girl. She said this is because she is producing a hormone that the baby girl would also produce and the pains and nausea that she has been feeling would feel worse than normal, which is exactly how she says she is feeling. so, this could be true.

Then she said she was reading the book today and it said that symptoms such as hers could be due to twins (or multiples). i wish the book would make up its mind! If it is multiples, however, I did promise her that I would not refer to her as a "hippopotamus with a gland problem."

Well, we'll find out next tuesday, actually, how many and what sex, even though i don't want to know if it's a boy or a girl. she does.

Till then,

-andy

A few weeks ago my wife went to the doctor to get blood drawn. She had been on Clomid (sp?) for a month. A few days after her blood was drawn she called the doctor for results and found out that she wasn't pregnant. She was upset and so was I. That weekend we spent at my parents' house. Tiff went tanning on saturday and on Sunday we had gone to get Sushi with my older sister and younger siblings. Tiff had tried some raw salmon.

Anyway, that night she started getting Ill and stayed home the next day. While she was sitting there on the couch feeling terrible, she received a call from her doctor. He asked if she "felt pregnant." She said she didn't know. But that's what got this ball rolling.

That night we went around town trying to find a home pregnancy test that gives you a '+' if you are and a '-' if you aren't. We couldn't find it so we decided to go home and try again some other night. A couple of nights later, the night before she was scheduled to fly to Missouri to visit family, we bought a test. I was watching TV, a typical guy thing to do while his wife is trying to find out if she's pregnant or trying to solve world hunger.

Tiff came bounding out of the bathroom like a psychotic Beagle with a huge smile on her face. "I'm pregnant!" is all she could say before she dove on top of me and tried to squeeze the life out of me. "That's great!" was my reply.

I really am happy about the pregnancy. I just want to know how many babies we are having. You see, Clomid is a fertility drug. According to her doctor, women who take the drug have an 85% chance of having twins because each time a woman takes a pill, it makes her body ovulate. There is a 10% chance of having 1 child and about a 5% chance of having three or more. Two kids would be fine, but twins also run in Tiff's family. Therefore, if she conceived twice on different eggs and one of the eggs is a natural twin, we could be looking at three kids. That would be interesting.

I will keep you all posted on the happenings in AndyLand. Tiff has her first ultrasound a week from today and that is when we find out exactly how many little munchkins we will be having. Updates as events warrant! Till then,

-andy