Tiff had another doctors appointment yesterday. The purpose of that appointment was so that we could hear the baby's heartbeat. We ended up sitting in the waiting room for an hour - almost to the minute - which was interesting. There was a bald, little baby with a huge, bulbous head in the waiting room with his mother. the baby seemed very curious about everything. He would try to sit up, then would look at something or somebody. After a few seconds of astute observation, he would lock sights on something else.

Yours truly was one of the lucky ones observed. I was reading an Entertainment Weekly article on American Idol. Tiff had said something to me so I looked up from reading for a moment. As I was about to start reading again I noticed movement in the periphery of my vision. I glanced over and this little baby was staring at me. It felt kind of odd. It was like my brain was being scanned by some tiny alien. Of all the days to leave my tinfoil hat at home... It was a bit discomfiting. But I'm gettig off my point a bit.

We waited an hour before we were called into the examination room. When we finally got in there it was like I was a little kid in a candy shop. There were so many cool things to play with. For instance, I quickly discovered that the little pivoting lever on the side of the exam table is used to release the back of the table. Then I found these neat cotton swabs in a container. They were quite possibly the largest cotton swabs I have ever seen. I remarked to Tiff that I didn't think they would fit in my ears, but before I could try one out Tiff was almost yelling at me not to. Spoil sport. I tried to get into more mischief, but then the doctor came in.

The doctor was pretty nice. He was just kind of brief. For instance, he asked Tiff some questions and then picked up the instrument that would enable us to finally hear the heartbeat of our child - a moment we have been looking forward to for god knows how long. He put a dollup of jelly on Tiffs tummy and pressed the instrument into the jelly. The doctor let us listen to the heartbeat for approximately 2.3 seconds. After he wiped the jelly off of Tiff, he asked if we had any questions then left.

I know that they say Brevity is the soul of wit, but is brevity now the soul of a doctor's appointment? I mean, we waited for an hour in the stupid waiting room. My brain, with all of my private thoughts, was scanned by some little alien baby. We finally get into the exam room and the doctor comes in, spends less than 5 minutes with us and leaves. I feel cheated. We're paying for this stuff. I came out of the exam room feeling like I'd been scammed.

Here's another reason I feel scammed: What assurance do I have that the heartbeat we heard was actually the baby's? Couldn't it have been Tiff's heartbeat? I know that the babys' would typically be very fast (I clocked the heartbeat we heard at about 150 beats per minute) and that Tiff's would be slower, but, truth be told, I think that Tiff and I were both a little excited by the notion of getting to hear the heartbeat, and I think that that could have elevated Tiff's pulse rate. Right? It isn't totally impossible. :o)

Anyway, I feel scammed. After the questionable ultrasound blobs, and now this, from now on I vow that I will question everything that the doctor or the technician does. I will be on full alert during the next doctor's visit. I will make the doctor earn the money that our insurance company is paying him. But next time I'll be sure to wear my tinfoil hat. Till then,

-andy