Here's a story that I keep forgetting to post.

Kenzie had her birthday party on February 23 at Chuck E. Cheese in Cherry Hill. It was a decent time, but the crew screwed up because, well, they are high school kids and they are stupid. But the purpose of this post isn't meant to blast their ineptness. Kenzie's best friend, Aidan, who lives in Pennsylvania, was at the party and he and his parents spent the night at our apartment. Later that week Kenzie received an envelope from Aidan.

Actually I retrieved it from the mailbox to give to Kenzie. As I was looking at the envelope I noticed there was something lumpy inside. I figured it was something like a little plastic ring or something for Valentine's Day. I gave it to Tiff and Kenzie when I got back to the apartment and upon further inspection, Tiff noticed that the envelope was torn on one of the edges.

Tiff opened the envelope to reveal the card and a little bag of M&M's. There was one problem, though: the package of M&M's was open and there was only one M&M left inside. Okay, so who the f^$# in their right mind would open a kid's Valentine's Day card for a mouthful of M&M's? What a friggin' loser!

The next day Tiff called the post office to inquire and complain. The woman with whom she spoke basically laughed at her saying no one would risk their job for a mouthful of M&M's. But apparently someone did because the envelope was open and there was only one M&M left when we finally got the damn thing. I guess I shouldn't be too upset because it's not like there was money in the envelope nor was there a social security number or any personal info inside.

Still, it's obviously the principal of it all. The mail is supposed to be personal and private and it's also supposed to be a federal offense to open somebody else's mail. Yet no one at the post office was willing to even listen to Tiff when she called to complain.

I guess it could be possible that a sorting machine squeezed out the M&M's, just like it's possible that O.J. isn't an insane double-murderer, but the envelope was torn in such a way that it's hard for me to believe that anything other than a person could have split the envelope like that. And why weren't there any crushed M&M's inside the card or the M&M bag?! Seriously?!

Oh well. I hope the fat moron at the post office who stole Kenzie's M&M's is happy. The postal service sucks. We need to get rid of it, talk about outdated. It's useless. The only thing it delivers is consistently higher stamp rates (because people don't use the service anymore because they suck) and junk mail and for everything else, you know, like useful stuff, we have DHL, FedEx and UPS, all much better options than the United States Postal Service.

Kenzie was watching Zoey 101 on Nickelodeon one night last week. Yes, that's the show with Britney Spears' pregnant little sister. Tiff and I have watched Zoey 101 with Kenzie and it's not a bad show; it's actually pretty well-written, well-acted, and there's nothing objectionable that we've seen so far for a show aimed at tweens. It's one of Kenzie's favorite shows and I don't mind letting her watch it even though she's not anywhere near being a tween. But the purpose of this post isn't to critique kids shows on Nickelodeon.

In that night's episode, Chase, one of the main characters, was celebrating his birthday. As her gift to him, Zoey tried to get his grandmother to fly in to visit since he hasn't seen her in a long time. Turns out that his grandmother couldn't make the party because she died. I asked Kenzie what was happening to see if she could grasp the concept. She promptly advised me that Chase's grandmother died and that he was sad. It's good to know that she's able to determine good and bad (like the time I went skeet shooting with my dad and brother, Joey. I told Kenzie I was going shooting with grandpa and Kenzie got very upset knowing that I was going to go somewhere and use a gun).

What really pleased me was that she followed it up by coming into the kitchen to give me a hug and to tell me that she didn't want me to die (not that she ever wished that I would die). She said that she would be very sad if I died (note the inclusion of the word "very"). I always figured that she would be sad if I died, but after having been banned from any of her birthday parties up until age 9 (you'll recognize this statement if you read this page regularly), I figured that my status may have changed over time. Apparently it hasn't. It's good to know that I'd be missed.

Then I got to thinking: What if it all ended tomorrow?

Thinking about dying and not getting to see Kenzie grow up, get married and have kids, and missing out on all those wonderful moments that every parent looks forward to in their child's life makes me terribly sad (thinking about having to pay for her college and her wedding makes me terribly sad, too, so maybe death isn't so bad an option. Just kidding). I don't want her to grow up without me or with just a memory and a scant few pictures of me.

But if it all ended tomorrow I suppose I'd be okay with that since I'd have no other choice; after all, when it's your time to go, it's your time to go. I guess I'd have to look toward the great beyond and hope for the best.

Personally, I think I've led a pretty decent life. I've not killed anybody, done anything unspeakable (though you may get a different story if you ask my mom since she was absolutely apalled that I would wear green Converse Chucks sneakers and a tuxedo to my high school prom) in my life to date nor do I have any intentions or plans to commit any atrocities. I am fairly confident that I would end up in heaven.

I believe that you get to choose how you spend your eternity in heaven (as opposed to having your eternity chosen for you in hell). If that's the case, I would like my eternity to be spent with my wife and my daughter, just as they are now. We have had our problems (what family hasn't), but I think that the three of us make a pretty good team and we do have a lot of fun together, even if Tiff's work schedule and mine both suck and severely limit the things we can do as a family (ie - weekend trips, vacations, etc).

I'd like to spend my eternal life playing games, doing puzzles, watching television, driving in my little white truck or Tiff's Elantra, going to the park, the movies, and miscellaneous other day-trips, and basically all the fun things we do now, with my little family (the presence of the cats are optional but not necessary).

When Tiff and Kenzie eventually pass, which hopefully won't be for a very long time from now, they can chose how to spend their own eternities, but I want my eternity to be spent with them.

Things Your Child Should Not Say To You In Front Of A Security Guard

"Who are you? Do I know you?"

Yes, my little joker decided to ask Tiff these very questions as they were passing the security guard on their way out of Target one day. There was no incident, thankfully, but can you imagine what could have happened if he were an overzealous security guard intent on doing his job to the fullest of his capabilities?

Yeah.

Then again, if Tiff or I wasn't the one taking Kenzie outside the store, I'd have wanted him to be that overzealous security guard.

Still, it's a funny thing for her to have said.

As one of her projects at school, Kenzie had to hand-write a letter to me and Tiffany. She not only addressed the letter to myself and Tiff, but also to our cat, Bella, who can be seen at top right. I think that she did pretty well writing her letter, as you can see. The size and shape of her letters looks pretty consistent. Now, Kenzie doesn't know how to spell most words, so she had to have her teacher tell her how to spell all the words in the letter that aren't our names.

What I'd like to know is: what must have been going through her teacher's mind while she was telling Kenzie how to spell the last part of her letter. Check it out (click the pictures to enlarge them):

People often refer to little girls as 'Princesses'. Whether this is meant sarcastically or as a compliment is always up in the air, for me, anyway. There have been numerous times when Kenzie acts like sheer royalty, a gracious host and benevolent patrician. Then there are times when she acts like Princess Vespa from Spaceballs, your stereotypical spoiled rich kid.

Well, we took Kenzie to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire this past weekend. I used to go to the faire when I was younger. I loved being there and interacting with the actors and looking at all the weapons and armor for sale. There were so many reasons I would go that I would go several times each season. And, yes, I would dress up in costume every time. Because of my love for the renaissance faire I was really looking forward to the day when I could take Kenzie to it, hoping that she'd love it every bit as much as I did.

My main fear was that she wouldn't like it because she'd have to walk all day. Also, I wasn't sure if she would really grasp what was going on around her. I figured that she'd like some of the costumes some of the folks would be wearing, but I figured we'd be there for about 2 hours before she started to complain that her legs were tired and she wanted to leave. Thankfully, all of my fears would be put to rest...eventually.

The day started off slowly. We arrived shortly after 1030 am. The place was buzzing already. There were actors dressed up as peasants lining the walkway greeting all the patrons of the faire. These folks really creeped Kenzie out. She lowered her chin, put her hand to her face and stared intently at the ground trying to avoid making eye contact with just about anybody, even the Queen.

We met the Queen on the way in and tried to get Kenzie to stand next to her so we could take their picture together, but Kenzie would not do it. I was a little disappointed but she needed time to get used to what she was seeing. The closest Kenzie has ever been to anything medieval has been Spongebob Squarepants: Lost In Time, which was totally lame.

Kenzie eventually started to come out of her shell, but not before we bought her her very own princess costume! The costume was beautiful and she looked so adorable in it. This is when the compliments from actors and fellow patrons really started to pour in and when she finally started to get comfortable. Kenzie was a real Princess for a day!

Most of the day was spent walking around looking at different jewelry and crafts tables like the candle makers hut where Kenzie got to make a candle wax mold of her hand. It was pretty neat watching her cast her hand in wax. She also purchased some of her very own Wish Stones and Fairy Rocks. And we also found out that she likes to eat smoked turkey legs. In fact, she ate the better part of two legs throughout the course of the day!

The last big event before the finale was the joust. Kenzie loved this part. During the joust there was a staged brawl between the good guys and the bad guys with loud "cannon" fire and fake blood. Kenzie was enthralled by this exhibition.

After the joust there was a big finale of song and dance with all the players who appeared throughout the day. We didn't leave till after 800 pm. On the way out Kenzie finally got to give the Queen a hug. Unfortunately it was very dark and we couldn't get a good picture, but it was great to see Kenzie finally comfortable at the faire.

On the way to the car she asked when we could come back to the faire. That made me feel good. I can't wait to take her back to the faire. I've got to start working on a new costume for myself so we can both dress up next time! Go check out my Andy's Pics page for some awesome pictures!

Thursdays and Fridays are my nights to pick Kenzie up from school. And last night on the ride home, I flicked her on the leg. Why I decided to flick her leg isn't important. What's important - and funny - is that as a result, she banned me from her "next party." Confused, I asked her when her party was going to be and she responded that she was referring to her 5th birthday party, which is more than six months away.

I must really be in the doghouse because today she banned me from all of her birthdays up until her ninth.

So if I'm not invited to her birthday parties, does that mean I don't have to pay for them?

My daughter loves me. She's told me so herself. There are, however, things that she has intimated that she loves more than me, as well as some things that she loves less than me. To save myself time and the risk of acquiring carpal tunnel syndrome, I will list the

Things That Kenzie Loves Less Than Me:

1) Hot Sauce
2) School Buses
3) Ben (the one in her class at school, not the Ben with whom I work)
4) Runny Noses
5) Being Sick

With Father's Day right around the corner, it's good to know that I am loved.

So Kenzie's recital was this morning. It was awesome. It was pretty well done. The theme was Beauty and the Beast. All the little girls were dressed up like Belle. I'll post pictures on the Andy's Pics page later today. Kenzie was hamming it up the whole time. It was a lot of fun.

Now she says she wants to take dance during the summer. The reason I think she wants to take dance is because the instructor said that the summer class' theme will be Shrek and the girls will be dressed like Princess Fiona. Kenzie loves the Shrek movies. So she'll peobably end up taking Dance and Karate. Oh well. It's money well spent if she does decide to take dance.

I'll post pics tonight once I get the digital camera back from Tiff. Till then,

-andy